Broham Nation » Badassery

Don Cornelius: Saying Goodbye to Mr. Smooth

Steel Trap — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 14:55:53 +0000

There was American Bandstand, and then there was Soul Train. One showed the softer side of rock ‘n’ roll, the other, that there was another world out there. Soul Train creator and host Don Cornelius’ righteous demeanor and smooth baritone made viewers and celebrity guests alike want to put on their Sunday best and get his kind of religion. His dignified approach caused white audiences to ponder if there was more to this show than just music, while reaffirming to black audiences that there indeed was, a weekly testament to musical history that crossed racial boundaries in a time when the country itself was struggling to do so. With musical guests such as James Brown, Marvin Gaye, Donna Summer, Aretha Franklin, David Bowie, Run DMC and Elton John, the show chronicled an era of music that will always be celebrated, often imitated and never duplicated. Today, we at Broham mourn the passing of a visionary, Don Cornelius, who held open a portal to an alternate universe filled with music and dance.

The Batmobile Through the Ages

Quisp — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 03:55:36 +0000

We’ll be the first to admit we didn’t create this, but we sure as shit wish we did! Few things convey complete coolness more than the coolest conveyance of all time. We’d venture to say every black car ever made after the 1966 Batman TV show probably belonged to someone who thought of it as their own personal Batmobile. Behold, a timeline of every Batmobile known to exist.

She’s a Super Juke, Super Juke… She’s Super Sexay, YOW!

Steel Trap — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 03:44:51 +0000

Well, we’d say aside of ditching their cross-platform continuously variable transmission (CVT), Nissan has gotten something really right involving their latest automotive offering, by souping-up the frog-eyed Juke. Stealing the power plant from Godzilla himself (also known as the Nissan GTR), gives this Super Juke the ability to curb stomp a Porsche 911! With 520bhp, the 3.8 liter, twin-turbo V6 is right at home between the Juke’s fenderwells. Though supposedly an experimental exercise, codename Super Juke surely needs to come to a dealer near you. And, word is it shall!

How to Win at Rock, Paper, Scissors [Infographic]

Steel Trap — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 13:23:41 +0000

Did you know that, along with your mom’s Camry, Rock, Paper, Scissors originated in Japan? Or that there are applicable strategies to winning? Um, yeah. Neither did we. We thought the whole point of RPS (as it’s known) was to leave a decision up to chance. Oh wells, guess it’s back to flipping a coin.

Bruce Willis + A Black Guy = Excellence

Adam Finzel — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 04:06:56 +0000

At least onscreen, actor Bruce Willis has proven time and again he’s a total badass. But we at Broham Nation are revealing the formula for what has time and again become blockbuster gold: Bruce Willis + Black Guy = Excellence!!

Die Hard

Okay so let’s just state the obvious right out. This dynamic duo could have only been from opposite ends of our great nation in order to deal with Hans Gruber, the most notorious of thieves from the Cold War or something like that. Carl Winslow and John McClane are on a race against time as they work together to stop Gruber steal from the sprawling glory that is Nakatomi Plaza. They never truly meet till the end but that makes it all the better. Carls laughing a huge gut laugh and John’s beaten the hell up. It looked like a Christmas episode of Family Matters. McClane’s wife, Holly Gennero, super hottie, guest stars.

The Fifth Element
When I think of the future I picture there being a bunch of pussy bitches. Everyone gets all their shit done for them by robots and we just become a bunch of lazy asses. Then, some huge ball of fire planet decided to be a badass and take out the whole human race! How do you beat a badass? Get the only living badass on the whole planet and tell him to take a vacation where he’ll star on a radio show hosted by the biggest star of the planet Ruby Rod. Chris Tucker plays the lovechild of Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon. To make a long story short, Corbin Dallas (B Will) will have to save the world by drilling an alien and then nailing “the Supreme Being” Lelu (played by that chick from Dazed and Confused) who makes it all the more difficult because she’s a chick and they do that.

Pulp Fiction
Marcellus Wallace is the most powerful criminal in the world and when he pays for a fight to be thrown, he expects it to be thrown. When something of the contrary happens then he has to make sure that others suffer the consequences with their life, or many lives. One thing he didn’t anticipate was Butch the boxer’s ill fated luck. When Butch hits Marcellus with his shitty Geo or some horrible crap car he gets cornered. When the pawn shop keeper they get confronted with wakes them up in his basement with ball gags stuck in their mouths, they don’t expect the best. Butch gets the choice of leaving Marcellus Wallace to a horrible death or saving him with a motherfucking samurai sword! Remember, this is Bruce Motherfucking Willis. He saves Wallace and Wallace spares him. He steals the rapist hillbilly’s chopper. When asked whose Motorcycle:
BW – It’s not a motorcycle it’s a chopper baby.
Baby – Whose chopper is this?
BW – It’s Zeds.
Baby – Who’s Zed?

BW – Zed’s dead baby. Zed’s dead.

Armageddon

Okay so I’m really stretching this one but this movie is so America in every single way it’s crazy. I like saw it and then I left the theatre and registered with the Army. Okay so this guy Harry Stamper is pumping oil out of the oil reserves we have and doesn’t even give a fuck! Energy Crisis? We wouldn’t have one if Stamper was still alive! They ask him to build a team to drill a hole and drop a nuke into a fucking meteorite! The first person he picks? Bear, played by Michael “Green Mile High Club” Duncan is a groundbreaking role for his career. Bear and Stamper are on a race against time as this meteorite the size of Texas is headed for earth and all Harry can do is grab his stupid Brat of a Son in Law and stick him back on the space ship! Bruce Willis saves the planet by watching a Aerosmith music video.

Cop Out
Okay so this is the exception. This movie was horrible. I saw it but all I heard from it was a big fat wet fart. I felt like I was leaving a snuff film and it wasn’t even funny! It was so bad. Tracy Morgan did his whole I-make-fun-of-retards-and-get-away-with-it routine and it was just like watching the career of William Hung; it made no sense to happen but it did and you still wish you could forget. I’m going to be honest. I was so horrified every waking minute of this movie that all I really saw was a bleeding orifice and the only thing I heard were children screaming. I will go as far to say that the existence of this one horrible piece of work overwrites my initial observance and say that no, Bruce Willis + Black People ≠ Excellence. God dammit I’ve wasted my night! Well at least I was watching..

DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE
Movie fucking owns. Need I say more?

How Do You Watch ‘The Playboy Club?’ [Graphic]

Steel Trap — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 03:21:39 +0000

A Chicago real estate developer who happens to live in the Gold Coast, Justin has a perfect view of the original Playboy Mansion. After seeing the classic autos and actors from the show filming in his neighborhood, he knew what he had to do… throw a Playboy Club premiere party! Inviting his closest friends and neighbors to his space-age bachelor pad featuring mid-century modern furnishings, he quickly began to transform it further to emulate the original club. The show and the party were a roaring success. See for yourself below, and be sure to let us know how YOU watch fall TV’s new hit show. Oh, and if you say “naked,” DEFINITELY send pics!

Poor Man’s Porsche: You’re Finally Off the Hook, 944

Steel Trap — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 03:03:13 +0000

944 owners rejoice! Despite the many appearances in 80s films, most notably Weird Science and 16 Candles, the Porsche 944 has also been known as the ‘Poor Man’s Porsche’ due to its relative affordability compared to a 911. Well, someone at Volkswagen must’ve remembered those sales figures, because as an added bitch-slap to buying out Porsche, engineers over there put some yeast in a 911 and are calling it the NEW, New Beetle. Think we’re full of it? Take a look at these spy photos on the streets of Chicago vs some snaps we found online. That rear-end screams Porsche, and now a mid-level job will finally get you one.

Ghost Rider Pisses Fire!

Steel Trap — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 12:00:01 +0000

Here’s a film that caught alotta crud a few years back because it didn’t live up to fanboy expectations… whatever the heck THAT means. But, if you dig on Harleys and the likes of Sam Elliott and Nick Cage taking names and kicking ass, we’re not sure why you’d have any reason to piss and moan. Speaking of, looks like this new Ghostrider sequel introduces a new weapon for the hotheaded numbskull to unleash on the unholy… pissing fire. Kinda makes those Calvin stickers obsolete now, don’t it? Couple that with a road trip to Europe to kick some sissy vampire ass and call us hooked. Only thing missing is Eva Mendes, that girl’s hotter than Hades.

Kate Beckinsale Returns in Underworld: Awakening

Steel Trap — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 18:06:24 +0000

If Kate Beckinsale ever quit making Underworld movies, well, this world would never be the same. Thankfully, the Lycans have smiled upon us, and relinquished their prequel franchise so that we may return to the original storyline. Apparently, Beckinsale and husband Len Wiseman have kissed and made up despite rumors that their marriage was troubled after she slept with her costar in the last installment. He, however, is not producing or directing this sequel. Here’s hoping this will be the best in the franchise.

Kiss These Tail Lights Goodbye!!

Steel Trap — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 18:32:07 +0000

Contemporary Mustang fans and those of us who prefer the classic designs of ’64 1/2—’70 and ’05—’09 rejoice! According to a tiny news mention in Mustang Monthly, we can kiss the friggin’ ugly tail lights of the ’10—’12 5.0 goodbye. Changes should come as early as the 2013 model.

Puttin’ our pony in park for a second, Ford has done wonders with the newest iteration of the Mustang, from the almighty 5.0, to the fuel-sipping V6, to the Boss 302. The latest Stang is a rolling testament to performance, fuel economy and engineering. However, the styling reverted back to the New Edge Celica look leftover from the ’90s, and really sort of bastardized the awesome retro look introduced in ’05.

Think we’re speaking out of turn? Camaro sales have outshone Mustang sales the past two years, and every auto journalist agrees the Dodge Challenger is the coolest-looking pony car of all. Here’s hoping Ford goes back to the drawing board to bring us the stylistic lines we’ve become so accustomed to seeing. We’d suggest using the ’69 or ’70 models as their newest inspiration.